WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
