Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
