So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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