She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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