don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
