My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I puked a lego.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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