I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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