I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
