How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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