he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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