I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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