is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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