I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
