you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
