you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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