I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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