I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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