YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
