A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
