Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
