My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
