mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
