Quick, to the slutcave!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
