Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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