Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
