If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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