Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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