Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
