Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
