I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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