oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
