the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
