Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
