You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
