I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
