im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
