Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
