A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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