So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
