when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
