maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
