Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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