I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
