i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
