Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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