I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
