hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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