dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
