haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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