I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
