i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
